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      From :  Conflict Management Monday Newsletter 
      <ezine@cheshiremediation.org> 
      Sent :  Monday, February 2, 2004 2:01 AM 
      To :  adrsi@hotmail.com 
      Subject :  Conflict Management Monday, Assumptions 







                  Conflict Mangement Monday

                        Welcome

                          
                        We offer the following services: 
                        Divorce & Post-Divorce Mediation
                        Parent-Youth Mediation
                        Small Claims Court Mediation
                        Victim-Offender Conferences
                        Peer Mediation in the Schools
                        Organizational Conflict Consulting
                        Eldercare Mediation
                        Trainings
                         
                         
                         
                         
                         
                         
                         
                         
                         
                         
                         
                         
                         
                         
                         


                           
                   02/02/04
                  Dear Jerry, 
                  Enclosed is your current edition of Conflict Management 
                  Monday, a publication of Cheshire Mediation that gives you 
                  practical tips on how to resolve conflicts and manage 
                  differences. I hope you enjoy it. 
                  Greg Hessel
                  Approximate Reading Time: 1 minute 30 seconds
                  ******************************************************
                  We have recently created an archives that allows you to view 
                  past issues
                  of Conflict Management Monday. Click here to view the archives 
                  page.
                  ****************************************************** 
                  ____________________________________________________
                  Assumptions and how to work with them
                  I recently coached a couple through some difficult 
                  conversations they were having. Like many couples, the 
                  starting point was to get them to name what they were feeling 
                  rather than to dump their frustrations on the other. Before 
                  they started naming their frustrations the other knew 
                  something was wrong, they just did not know what it was. So 
                  when they started saying what they were feeling things started 
                  to shift. 
                  There was more work to be done however. Like most people, this 
                  couple had many interpretations of events that they confused 
                  with the truth. For example, when conflict erupted one of 
                  them interpreted this as, the relationship is ending. When 
                  one of them was upset, the other interpreted it as, Im 
                  incompetent. Asking for help or expressing vulnerable 
                  feelings was interpreted as being weak. When one would 
                  withdraw, the other would take it to mean that they were being 
                  punished. 
                  None of these interpretations are wrong  but neither are they 
                  the truth about the situation. For each of them there are 
                  many other ways they could be interpreted. For example, rather 
                  than meaning the end of the relationship, conflict could be 
                  viewed as a part of life. My Italian relatives dont view 
                  conflict as anything out of the ordinary or wrong. And 
                  rather than being weak, others might view expressing 
                  vulnerable feelings as being sensitive or trusting. Withdrawal 
                  could mean that someone had been hurt rather than they 
                  intended to punish us. 
                  These alternative interpretations are no more correct than the 
                  ones my clients came up with. They do demonstrate however, 
                  that the conclusions we draw from events are very subjective. 
                  Our tendency to confuse interpretations with the truth is 
                  often our own worst enemy to working things out. Because as 
                  long as we are convinced that our interpretations are the 
                  truth, we will tend to only notice what supports our 
                  interpretations and we will not be able to really listen. 
                  In most situation the meaning that we add to a situation (or 
                  the story we tell ourselves about what something means) 
                  contributes to conflicts. Most of us are not even aware of the 
                  fact that we are doing this. It all happens so fast that 
                  without a high degree of awareness we cannot separate what 
                  happened from what we tell ourselves about what happened. 
                  What happened is that one person is upset. This is not the 
                  same as the relationship is over. What happened is that one 
                  person is anger. This is not the same as the other being 
                  incompetent. What happened is that someone expressed a 
                  vulnerable feeling. This is not the same someone being weak. 
                  If you can separate your interpretation of a conflict from 
                  what actually happened, you will have uncovered a key to 
                  resolution. 
                  _____________________________________________________ 

                  Training Calendar



                  March 27 (9:00 - 4:00), March 29 (2:30 - 8:00), April 1 (2:30 
                  - 8:00), April 5 (3:30 - 8:00), & April 10 (9:00 - 4:00)
                  Basic Mediation Training: This 26-hour training lays the 
                  foundation of mediation skills. Curriculum includes the 
                  mediation process, the role of the mediator, neutrality, 
                  non-negotiable issues, and plenty more. This workshop is very 
                  interactive and includes plenty of opportunity to try out the 
                  skills you will be learning. Cost of the training is $295. 
                  Call 800-757-3887 to register. 

                  What partipants say about our Basic Mediaiton training



                  March 30, 2004
                  Let's Talk: How to Communicate Effectively in the Midst of 
                  Tension: If you either avoid conflict, or dive into it with 
                  rough edges, this training is for you. In six hours we will 
                  explore how you can improve your communication in tense 
                  situations and leverage change. You will learn:
                   What to do with strong emotions
                   How to identify the real problem
                   Assumptions: how they form and tools to work with them
                   How to prepare for a difficult conversation
                   How to use listening to de-escalte tensions
                   Key mind sets for working it out
                   When to work it out and when to give it a rest
                   Other barriers to communicating effectively
                  Cost is $95 (ask us about our discount for HR professionals). 
                  Call 800-757-3887 to register.
                  What participants say about Let's Talk 
                  ***************************************************** 
                  For more information about our services, click the following 
                  links:
                  Divorce Mediaiton
                  Organizational Consulting
                  Elder Care Mediation
                  Parent Youth Mediation (free to residents of Cheshire County) 
                  Upcoming Trainings
                  __________________________________________
                  Greg Hessel, Director
                  Cheshire Mediation
                  181 Washington Street
                  Keene, NH 03431
                  ghessel@mfs.org
                  603-357-6873 
                  800-757-3887 in New England
                  (c) 2003 Cheshire Mediation. All rights reserved. You are free 
                  to use material from the Conflict Management Monday eZine in 
                  whole or part as long as you include complete attribution, 
                  including live web site link and e-mail link. Please notify 
                  Cheshire Mediation when and where the material will appear.
                  __________________________________________
                  Please feel free to pass Conflict Management Monday along to 
                  any associate you feel may benefit form this information.
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